Monthly Archives: November 2006

If it doesn’t happen to you it’s funny

This didn’t happen to me….

One squirrel got a fiery surprise when it apparently got curious about a chimney. The squirrel fell down a chimney at a Two Rivers home and landed in a fire in a fireplace Monday night, said Two Rivers Assistant Fire Chief Gary Shavlik.

The squirrel escaped the fire and ran around the house, Shavlik said.

Firefighters later caught it and called Wildlife of Wisconsin, an agency that helps wild animals. The squirrel suffered from bloody paws.

There was no fire damage and the squirrel is alive, Shavlik said.

A valuable lesson learned by the squirrel I think.

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Filed under What the F%$#!!!

It’s official; there’s too many lawyers

Suing for this?

Wholly guacamole?

That’s the issue in a fraud lawsuit filed Wednesday against Kraft Foods, Inc., by a Los Angeles woman who claims the company’s avocado dip doesn’t qualify as guacamole.

“It just didn’t taste avocadoey,” said Brenda Lifsey, who used Kraft Dips Guacamole in a three-layer dip last year. “I looked at the ingredients and found there was almost no avocado in it.”

She is seeking unspecified damages and a Superior Court order barring Kraft from calling its dip guacamole. Her suit seeks class-action status.

I think it’s funny that this woman decided to sue instead of, say, going to the market and spending a buck on an avacado or two. Heck, in L.A. she could probably find one on a tree somewhere.

The fact she thought “sue” first tells me two things; First, Brenda is a lazy, money grubbing individual who’s trying to bilk the system. Second, that a ridiculous complaint like this could garner anything more than laughter illuminates the fact that we have reached a saturation point in the legal market.

This story makes me think that the “loser pays” lawsuit model needs to be implemented nationwide.

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The “Schussing” Flu

I have a terrible case of it today.  It may keep me away for, oh, a little while at least.

Just so you know, you can tell people with this sickness by the huge smile on their face as they drive to the mountains…on a Wednesday.

I love Colorado!!!!

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Filed under General Nonsense

They needed a study?

For this?

Women really do talk more than men.

In fact, women talk almost three times as much as men, with the average woman chalking up 20,000 words in a day – 13,000 more than the average man.

I was gonna show this to some women I know, but I couldn’t get a word in edgewise.

That’s o.k. though, I’m not even sure I know 20,000 words anyway.

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Filed under What the F%$#!!!

Alcohol makes people….

CrAzY

A Russian man whom police stopped for allegedly driving drunk tried to swallow his keys then bit an officer as the officer tried to retrieve them, a Russian news agency reported Tuesday.

I truthfully can’t imagine a scenario where this type of incident could happen, without the aid of alcohol.

Thank goodness alcohol only makes me more attractive.

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Filed under What the F%$#!!!

I love television

It lets me know what the cool kids say like…

“I love it when a plan comes together” 

I love it too Hannibal, I love it too.

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Filed under General Nonsense

Getting ready for the big J.C.

Jay Cutler that is….

Rookie quarterback Jay Cutler will be the Denver Broncos’ starter against the Seattle Seahawks next weekend, coach Mike Shanahan said Monday.

The Broncos need a spark and Cutler can give to them, but the rest of the team needs to get a whole lot better.

The defense needs to get the other team’s 3rd down conversion percentage a lot lower.  I was shocked that it was only 35 percent for the season, but factoring in the stellar defensive play early in the year, the number should be better.  The Chargers were something like 8-12 ln third down.  That only creates 10 play 6:00 minute drives against you.  Not good.

The offense needs a lot more consistancy.  Can Jay Cutler help that?  Yes, but he can’t do it alone; just ask Jake Plummer.  Rod Smith needs to step up and show all those rookies how it’s done.

The most important result of this move is the message it sends.  Let me tell you, there are 52 other players in that Bronco locker room who understand that if you don’t perform, you don’t play. And after the last week, a bunch of those guys needed to receive that message.

You’ll know if the team got the message after about one quarter on Sunday against the Seahawks.  Of course I’ll be there for the whole thing “From the pressbox.”

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Filed under Just Sports